been gone for a minute, but im back; Entry Num. 1

As i sat in class yesterday i began to zone out with a pen in my hand and with that pen i began to write and as i wrote ideas began to spring and as that happened rhymes began to come to mind and eventually i had started a poem! It might not seem as much excitement to you all but to me its hell of excitement because for some reason i wasn't able to get past one line five months ago. I was used to writing about the bad that happened to me in life and mainly in my relationships but with the last, there was really no bad. We ended and i wanted to write about how i felt while it was happening, how hurt i was, how happy i was [crazy as it seems] but i just couldn't . Call it writers block or whatever you want , i just couldn't. I thought I had lost the one thing i could call mine... my ability to write, to express, to create, to invent, to let out the cries and pleas ... give voice to the silent, ignored feelings. It felt so good, that after i finished half or at least one quarter of the unknown poem i didn't want to stop writing. It didn't matter what i wrote, i just wrote . Names, quotes, sayings, you name it i was writing it. I'm sure by now you want a glimpse of what the hell i came up with , and not to put myself down or anything or the subject of my creativity, but its not my best and quite frankly my best is yet to come so in the mean time enjoy the unexpected, undescribeable rant [i guess you can call it that] . Well, here it goes:

she was never one to give up, never one to settle
but with him it was war, no longer a battle
strength had come and just like faith it had gone
held onto what and where she felt she belonged
til reality, til that sweet dream woke up
resulting in the most ugliest, deepest self-destruct
blaming ones self for the ending of that forever road
mentally abusing, verbally choosing to physically dispose

There it is ... so far that's what my pen allowed my to produce and I'm sure at this time in life, this time around I'll have much more. I can say though most of this is due to a special someone who touched my life in a way no one has, and I'm forever thankful for it.

Alot of times i hear people say that their better off without the people who they call their past, and yes my view might be different but its far from stupid in being that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. With me i see them as the extra help i needed. Without my past i wouldn't be this strong individual that i am today. There were some who didn't deserve me, some who did deserve me but used me for all the wrong reasons .. but despite it all i learned a lesson. I'm a better person today than i was yesterday.

P.S
Stop blaming others for the things that go wrong in your life and for once accept the blame. We're human, we make mistakes, no ones perfect.