i wondered... if she ever noticed the pain she inflicted on others as she complained and wepped about that to which she was enduring . if at any moment her wrong doing came to light.. in her eyes ... and she realized ... "she" consisted of "he"

Strength ..

This is for the woman who doesn't understand her worth

Struggles with self acceptance and disapproval's from others

screams at the top of her lungs but none bothers...

to answer her, let alone ask her whats wrong

they don't know her story, they fail to listen to her song

the one her hearts sings as it continues to slowly dispose



This is for the woman who doesn't know her own strength

insomnia her best friend as she struggles to fall asleep, through tears and pain

takes the punches, the kicks .. waits for the sunshine but all she gets is rain





I tried to write a poem for a woman who fails to see the greatness in her existence while others repeatedly stomp on her best qualities. Instilling in her failure and a broken mirror, where her image remains distorted. I tried to write a poem for a women who fails to realize her existence, who allows others to define what happiness is for her, who allow men to define whats good in her and whats bad to fit their expectations, a woman who can't enjoy a simple day without the hassle and drama , cries herself to sleep many nights hoping that the next one will be better only to wake to the same bullshit time after time. i tried to write a poem for a woman who fails to realize that GOD is the only one who can judge her. i tried to write a poem for a woman who lost all her hope yet has the greatest faith of all , only not in herself but in GOD. fails to see the reality and entraps herself in fantasies. i tried to write a poem for a boy, a boy who fell in love deep and couldn't get out. gave and gave and gave and yet nothing came back. i tried to write a poem for a man who got a second chance at love but let it go because he was to scared it could be real. feared the thought of actually having a woman who loved him for him, who would listen to his every need and do things just because, he didn't have to ask. i tried to write a poem for a woman who has the strength for everyone she loves but cant find it in herself. can give the best advice to help everyone but fails to help herself. i tried to write a poem for a woman who lost everything. i tried ... i tried to write .. i tried to write a poem for a woman who put all her faith in a relationship she believed would never come , a love she thought would never happen. i tried to write a poem for a woman who's been a victim all her life. i tried to write a poem for a woman who no one understands and never will .. to know her is to know her struggle, her life, her past .. too delicate a subject , to harsh a reality she can't tell it , too ignorant they won't ask . i tried to write a poem about a woman ..

i tried... i tried to write a poem .. i tried to write a poem about a woman ..

i tried.. i tried to write ..

tell me, did i succeed?

taking a recap , back

we used to have that connection, that bond
where i was thinking of you , and you thinking of me
seconds later we'd receive a text from the other ..

sitting here i wonder if you can hear me , see me , feel me
i wonder if you ever miss waking up next to me or falling asleep with me in your arms
miss playing "how much do you know" and we being able to answer every question correctly ..
if we play now will you still get every one right ?

i wonder if you miss the study sessions in the study lounge, laundry in the laundry room
taking a ride to Price Chopper at 3 in the morning cause i had a craving for cake and ice cream
wonder if I'm still the princess in your fairytale dream ...
or the beautiful nightmare you wake up from

memories, memories, memories .. that's all that remains
no more "just because" text messages about how much you appreciate me
no more home made cards , because Hallmark couldn't explain the way you felt
they didn't see or understand the hands we were dealt

trips to the job with lunch because i was hungry and you couldn't let that be
Friday nights in watching movies instead of partying
wonder if you still remember everything ... you said you'd never forget
US ..

i wonder

moving forward; Enrty Num 3.

As the weekend came to an end i wondered if I made the right choice in just letting it all go and not looking back. It isn't the easiest thing in the world to do but if i don't do it I'll never get past anything, I'll never experience the joys of the world. Remaining in a relationship by myself or making myself believe that there is one when the other is evidently past it and moved on just seems hopeless and ridiculous. That night I was mad, mad at him and mainly mad at her... i felt disrespected and I just couldn't allow myself to take that situation in calm.. i had to take it storm. But i commend myself on not going up to him and giving him the third degree about who, what , when, where and why. I confided in my friends. Yes that night I wanted to cry but every emotion in my body told me it was for all the wrong reasons and so the next night i smiled, i laughed and had fun the whole night through. I said my hellos to him and asked why out of all the girls in the room hadn't i gotten the chance to dance, but after getting the shrug and close to nothing of an explanation I simply walked away with a smile on my face and closure in my mind. Never thought the day would come when I'd let it go. I've said it all too many times, but her anger and disgust was all it took for me to see that my smile was worth more than the frown he placed. Today I live proof of getting past the past and moving forward. You may think this is just another talk without the walk but its more than that ... trust you'll see