10-19-09

ugh, why is it i can be of so much help to others and yet can't seem to help myself?


I just don't understand that logic.


*tears begin to roll down her cheeks*


MEN, i will never understand and at this point in time i simply give up in trying. I hear so many times, too many times how much of a nice girl i am, and how smart i am, how much of a thinker i am, how far i can go with my voice .. and yet i always find myself alone after it all. Escaped an abusive relationship to be in the perfect fairytale filled with love, acceptance, appreciation, dedication , but most of all support and guidance. But even for the new found love, my all wasn't good enough, something just wasn't right. I will admit that i am a BIG deal, and come with many flaws and baggage.. but that is one thing i do not keep as a secret. Before beginning the relationship, we had much experience as friends, best friends for that matter expressing everything from family to school to relationships [at the time we were in]. As much as i would want to down talk the whole experience, i cant. We had so many good times, so much in so little time and it was all WORTH IT. But it ended too early for me, on too short notice.. one day. Knowing this day would come some day, we had a plan to still be friends and not let the past separate the bond between us. But it seemed he just couldn't handle the pressure of feelings because he became distant.. the one whose idea it was and yet I'm wrong for not accepting an apology for breaking the one promise we said we'd never break in the form of a text message. It brings tears to my eyes the fact that I'm only worth a text. Not a phone call, not a in-person conversation, but a text. And i begin to wonder if his words ever really meant anything. If they were just words rolling off a tongue to save a tear from rolling off my face.