As I sit here in this room I imagine that I could just talk to you and that you’d really listen. There are so many things I want to tell you but I know or rather I believe, strongly, that you’d care any less than I already think you would. I know that we’ve had some very challenging times in our relationship but I can’t even remember, neither can I recall one that was so bad to want you to dislike me. Not even half a year ago we were each other; we were one, we were inseparable and our feelings were deep, passionate, sincere. Now after two months, we’re nothing more than associates who just so happen to go to the same school and have the same best friend. Saying these words hurt, but it’s the truth and I’ve been hiding it from myself too long to not admit it. I sat at the table in the dining hall tonight at dinner and out of nowhere an image of me and you hugging each other, and you kissing me on my forehead and then my lips formed. I wanted to cry with every ounce of water that my eyes could fill, but for some reason none would come out… I wondered if it was because I had no more tears to cry or just because the atmosphere in which I was. For whatever reason, I have thoughts like these very often, much more when im outside… walking to and from my destinations. Thinking back to freshman year when we would take those walks or have those talks outside, or the TV lounge downstairs, the laundry room. Almost, if not every place on this campus reminds me of you. As much as I want to move on quicker and just come to terms that we’re done, never to be again, it’s not as easy said than done. I don’t hate you, and I know you probably feel that way because of my actions, but I don’t… I just love you too much and because you’re not acting the way I want you, the way I’m used to, I dislike you at times. We had so many promises, so many plans, so many goals… and now they’re just history, they mean nothing. I made a promise to never date another guy on this campus because you said that you wouldn’t be able to handle it because you weren’t ever going to be over me… I don’t believe that now, I think it’s more me than you. I’m not over you and don’t think I will be anytime soon, so I won’t date another guy. That as well as the fact that I’m just not interested in any right now. Need to be able to be single and enjoy it, stop putting my all in people to get the worst end of the deal. Don’t know what else to say, I could go on for days but I’d be doing nothing but repeating myself. No, I’m not writing this to you to make you want me; I’m just getting much needed things off my chest. I started to write a poem but it was too much to write, I wrote the most one line and my hands froze. You used to be my reason for a lot of things, my escape …now, it’s just me…
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